I've written many Sundays on this blog. Many times you have read my words on the pain in my heart as I spent my day preparing a bag of toys for Cannon and packing a suitcase and mentally trudging the road of misery since Sundays were admission to the ICU for the latter 6 months of Cannon's protocol.
Today is a very much a different day....
Cannon and I primarily lived in New York and then Philly from June to December 27th away from home. Cannon spent Halloween in the hospital, his Mumma-bear's birthday and Christmas in the radiation phase.
Oh, don't you worry, I am making up for it and today is an example of that!
To set the scene, the Halloween pumpkin pies scents are burning in the house and I am baking (shepherd's pie and banana walnut muffins). It's safe to say our house smells amazing. Michael is on the floor throwing the kids around and all I hear is giggles and laughs from all the boys. Olivia is filling in college applications (sniff sniff). Life is good today, right this moment it's good!!!!
During treatment this day was stressful and heartbreaking all in one. Watching Michael walk around the house trying to keep busy and pretend he was okay all while dreading what was to come... well, it was difficult as a wife. As his wife I want to help him and fix the problem and sadly Cannon was one thing I couldn't fix for him. Olivia would be in her room and I'm sure felt the energy and pain from us. The twins and Cannon felt the energy, there was no hiding it. Many days we truly tried to bring easiness and joy to the day but often we failed. Arguments over silly things would ensue like what pillow we should take for Cannon or "I thought you packed the blanket", none of which really was the real issue. The real issue was we knew what Cannon was about to endure for a week or two and that he wouldn't eat or drink for a week, would be on pain meds and be screaming from pain. All of which seeped out of my husband's and my pores.
I realize Cannon is still enduring three month scans and has many issues we deal with daily, but the fact is he is happy, we don't stay in hospitals for weeks anymore and my children are all in our home. Tonight my husband will sleep aside me and I will have coffee with him in the morning rather than high five as I walk into the hospital and he walks out. Life on maintenance chemo is a breeze in comparison to what Cannon has endured to-date!
My heart is never as happy as when my kids are in the house and today my heart is full to the brim with joy and gratitude for our son's health. More gratitude than I can ever fully express on paper. Actions are louder anyway.
I hope everyone is having an amazing Sunday! Prayers for all the families who are in treatment staying in hospitals and living the nightmare we know all too well. Prayers for them!
I'm off to DC this week so that CKc can try to educate more on pediatric cancer. More on that later in the week.
Enjoy the pics from our trip to the farm yesterday!! It was so much fun! The kids enjoyed it, too. ;)
Written by Mumma-Bear
Cannonball Kids' cancer
Thankful For The Fight
145 Days No Evidence of Disease
No Relapse Ever