Look at this angel... OUR Cannonball.
Sometimes I feel like did the last 14 months really happen? Other times I can't breathe with the pain of it - the heartache truly takes my breath away.
Hard to believe this was my Cannonball after 13 hours on the operating table. What followed was worse - life support for 5 days and delirium for another 5, to mention a few...
I got to see Sophia a few times yesterday before and after her surgery. Sophia has stage 4 neuroblastoma cancer and Cannon adores her. Cannon went yesterday to wish her good luck before surgery and they were holding hands. It was so cute!
Sophia was actually in the same room in ICU where Cannon was the last 6 months for his antibody therapy. I can't say that didn't make me anxious... a little. But it was about being there for another parent. I've said it over and over to Sophia's parents, "Look at Cannon now." Life isn't great but it's good - it's better. That's the truth!!! It's important for people in the fight to know there are success stories. I am so thankful that Sophia's family let me help. That's a gift. I hope I am able to support many more. Although that's not our foundation's goal (to support individual families), but rather educate and raise funds. I was there as another mother, not a board member of a foundation. There will be many things people see me do where I will act as Melissa - Mumma-bear - a mother of a kid who is on maintainance chemo and who is and will remain cancer free. It's for this reason I want our foundation to be seen as Cannonball Kids' Cancer and not Melissa and Michael's little foundation - because it's NOT OUR foundation it's OUR team's foundation. It's a team!!! I say it again:
"There is little I can do alone, but I can cast a stone across waters and create many ripples."
On another note.
You know I am a little upset with myself today. I allowed someone to steal my happiness. I don't allow that much. I am a firm believer and advocate of "if your feelings got hurt, that's your deal." What do I mean? Well, if something someone says or does hurts my feelings, it's because I allowed it. I allowed myself to be hurt by their comment or action and that's MY problem. Certainly I can take actions to make it not happen again - often I do. Today I didn't follow my "Water off a duck's back" motto. Instead, I allowed myself to be upset by something someone said and to make it worse, I didn't respond. So I'm not mad at what was said. I'm upset with MY response or lack of. I didn't take a stand for myself and as a result I allowed my happiness to be taken from me. Like I said that is rare. If I could only reset the clock. I can't, so what to do? Move on, but learn from my lesson that was given to me. I've learned this the hard way:!people treat you the way YOU allow them to. Don't allow someone to take your happiness like I did today. Stand up for yourself and show people that you're a force to be reckoned with: no less, no more. Tomorrow is a new day. Today was a valuable lesson for me - I am no longer in the world of hospitals and doctors (for most the part). I am in the adult world and I must stand up to real world people.
I am a pretty fiery little Scottish lass! But thesebpast few months I've been tired - worn down. I am here to say I am back! I don't want my son to have beaten cancer only to allow people to walk over me. That's not my personality. So why start now? Today I allowed that to happen and I didn't like much how it felt. Note to self: don't allow others to steal your joy. I think there are mothers or fathers in the fight against cancer who can relate. You fight and fight and fight and travel and fight and travel and watch torturous treatment upon torturous treatment as your child fights and you get tired, worn down. And you just don't want to fight anymore. Navigating between fighting and standing up for oneself was the lesson today ;)
Written by Mumma-Bear
Cannonball Kids' Cancer
Thankful For The Fight
33 Days Cancer Free