Happy Birthday....Not What I Envisioned!

Cannon turns three today. I confess this isn't the birthday I envisioned for my baby boy. Why? Well, I am not with him. I didn't wake up to his smile nor did I get to sing Happy Birthday. 

I can't believe I am about to type this. I am in the hospital. I have been inpatient since Friday afternoon. I know everyone reading this is thinking "What the heck?" I know that's what I'm thinking...

I haven't been feeling well these past 6 months, but with Cannon being in treatment I worked through it! 

There are several things the doctors think could be wrong. I've had CT scans and they show some enlarged lymph nodes. Of course this could be viral but they want to be sure it's not something else. :( Tomorrow I will have a bone marrow biopsy, a skin biopsy and a biopsy of some lymph nodes. I refuse to believe there is anything seriously wrong. I am praying for a virus, that it is just kicking my butt and that it's making my body do some wacky things. 

Not being with Cannon today - this day I've dreamed of for a year - well, simply put, my heart is broken. I won't get to see him today and that hurts my heart beyond words.  

So today, I ask for prayers that tomorrow's tests show nothing but a virus (which is entirely possible) and that sweet Cannonball has the best birthday ever with his daddy, big sister and brothers.

My husband is overwhelmed and has a lot to deal with, between  our home and kids. Could I please ask for privacy and no emails, texts or calls as I know he will feel obligated to respond and this day is about Cannon's birthday and that should be his and my family's primary focus. Thanks in advance. I, on the other hand, am stuck in the hospital and bored beyond tears!  

Please be patient as we work through this. I promise to update when I know more. For now, prayers are what we need the most.

I have to say I am not the best patient. It's not too much fun being woken up at 3 am and stuck with needles and then vitals taken every few hours. Oh, did I mention they cleaned my trash buckets at 4am? Yeah, that doesn't work very well for me. 

I've never been a patient, always the caretaker. Let's just say I don't think I will win patient of the year award. The doctors and nurses are surprised by how much I know. My white blood count is very low and I'm neutropenic. Please pray it gets higher soon. While it's low I'm much more prone to infections. 

Enough about me... 

Cannon and dad are going to have a really fun day today. Dad is taking Cannon for ice cream and bowling. Right now as I type I'm receiving photographs of them all at the park - it warms my heart to see! 

From the minute that pee stick (yes, I said pee stick) said positive I was in love with Cannon Wiggins. It was that day I knew that I was no longer first priority, I was always last after Cannon. I still feel that way today, only stronger. My kids and husband come first - always! I am Team Wiggins' biggest fan!!! 

When Cannon was born he didn't even cry. In fact, it worried me. I said "Why isn't he crying?" He was different from the second he was born. An inner strength like no other. When I breastfed him for the first time my life was changed forever. I promised to protect him and nourish him with love and admiration. And I do!  

Cannon is the kid who doesn't need to be sleeping to be placed in his bed or crib. Oh no, he soothes himself to sleep.  

I believe all children are special. Just maybe not as special as Cannon, lol. Joke! But seriously, the truth is he is special to me like your child is to you. None of us should have to live on this planet without our kids by our side.  

Michael tells me all the boys are feeling much better today despite the scabs from the HFM. Thank the Lord!!! 

 Dear Cannon: 

Happy Birthday to the light of my life.

You are the strongest, coolest kid I know!!! 

Your favorote thing to do is swim!!! You would live in the pool if you could. You love hide and seek - I do, too! Dad throws you on the bed and you giggle, giggle, giggle. You smile and get excited to go to bed as we always make a little tent and read a book under the covers with your glow worms. You're a very, very special boy. A fighter and a survivor! I couldn't be more proud of you, Cannonball!! You're awesome!!! 

Mumma will make this birthday up to you! That's a promise! 

I miss you and I hope I see you very soon. 

Lots of love, 

Your biggest fan

Mumma Bear 


Written by Mumma-Bear

Cannonball Kids' Cancer


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