As I type the boys are in school for a few hours, the house is cleaned and I have a moment.
Sunday is approaching and you all know I love my Sundays. Sadly, Sunday I not only say goodbye to Granny Bel (my mum) but I pack for Michigan. Cannon has his injections, MIBG scan, CT scan, hearing tests and bloodwork next week in Michigan.
I would love to write here that I have no fear, I know the scans are fine. The reality is that's a lie. I don't know if the scans will be clear, I don't know if they will find anything and I do have have fears. Sometimes I place myself in this position where I feel I need to stay positive all the time like I'm not allowed a bad day because my kid is alive and other kids with cancer are not. I am thankful for the fight. I remain thankful because Cannon has a chance to live for many years. That doesn't mean I am happy to pack and head to Michigan alone with my son leaving three kids and my husband behind. That doesn't mean that it doesn't kill me and give me a stomachache twice a day when I crush 4 pills of chemo into his drink.
In the last two weeks one of my friends' mum died of cancer and this morning a friend died of cancer. Did I mention Jase whom I met at CHOP? He is 2. His tumor is back and he has no more options. He has been sent home with his family. The picture is Jase with his dad.
This is the world I reside in now. Children dying daily. In fact, today 8 children will die in the U.S. of cancer, more than any other disease! Rare? Who gives a crap if they consider it rare? I don't! I care that today 8 children don't get to grow up! I care that 8 sets of parents will bury their child! I care that 8 sets of siblings will live without their sister or brother! I care about that, not that's it's considered "rare" and somehow doesn't deserve more than 3.8 percent of research funding.
I care that on Monday I will meet Amanda, Oscar's mum and my friend. I will meet her and she just buried her 5 year old son. I care that I will hold her and let her cry on me. I care that her daughter, 3, is now without her brother! I care that Cannon will never see Oscar again! I care that I will never hear Oscar tell me he loves me or that Cannon needs to play with him! I care that I won't get to run the halls at 10 pm with them and hear that sweet boy laugh and then help Cannon up because he always falls! I care about that!!
Life is hard! Life is so very unfair!
I don't know much, I really don't. BUT I know this! I know if I keep doing the work, keep my actions going despite my mind and body trailing behind that my mind and body will catch up! I know that for I have seen it. I have experienced it!
I know this: I will never stop fighting childhood cancer! I will never stop trying to rip it to shreds! If I have to write 15 books to raise money for cancer I will. I will do all it takes! CKc will spread the word across the U.S. and across the world!! That I care about!!!
If you want to be involved in card club please do email me Melissa.email@example.com
Next week I will also confirm the April date of our street party in College Park! It's going to be amazing - silent auctions, fire trucks, bouncy house you name it we will have it going on! I can't wait to raise lots of money!
Excuse my emotional post - a combination of the news this morning and my upcoming trip to Michigan.
Written by Mumma-Bear
Cannonball Kids' cancer
Thankful For The Fight
252 Days No Evidence of Disease
No Relapse Ever