I am the queen of cliche' sayings, I know. For that, I apologize. But "live in the moment" has to be the most valuable lesson I've learned to-date.
Do I always do it? No. Do I do it perfectly? No. But do I TRY to do it? Yes! Yes, I do.
This moment in this photo had my heart bursting with love and pride and pure gratitude! In that moment! That one right in that photo. I looked at the sky and I thanked God.
My son is alive. He is thriving. No feeding tube, no life support, no in-hospital stay chemo, no radiation, no transplant, no surgery. Just thriving. Just laughing. Just BEING.
I'm reading this great book right now called "For The Love", given to me by a dear fellow twin mum who struggles like I do. To BE it all.
I want to be work mum. Stay at home mum. Homeroom mum. Good wife mum. Great friend mum. Good daughter mum. Inspiring mum. Good home cooking mum. Sports team mum. Football wife, know it all mum. Reads books mum. Pediatric cancer advocate mum. DC lobbying mum. Fundraiser mum. Three boys mum. College kid mum.
I'm here to tell you it's impossible. Don't even try it. Just trust me. Can you trust me? No... I didn't think so.
Let me share a little story. My plate is full - agreed? Ok, good. So I'm sitting in my twins' classroom - they do a morning class three days a week. As they play in the sandpit, I do my usual banter with the teachers (whom I adore), we jest about the big bite mark on Gray's face and the four big scratch marks on Arran's and how this is the level of fighting at age 2. I digress... The teacher says, "Hey, can you be the home room number two mum? Help with the silent auction, things like that?" I don't even pause... I don't think. I don't look at my calendar, suggest discussing with my husband, look at my overflowing plate... no delay in my response. Nope, not this. DO.IT.ALL mum... Oh, no.
"Of course I will, I would love to, absolutely put me down."
No lie, as soon as the words were out my mouth I'm like, "oh crap." Internally, of course, because remember the above... I'm trying to be all those mums we talked about.
The truth is, like the book I'm reading tells me, for every NEW YES to someone and something else it's a NEW NO to my kids and husband.
Honestly, I've been the silent auction mum at St. James when my daughter was in middle school. It's very rewarding. But at this season in my life with three littles, a college daughter I want to make an effort to see and talk to regularly, a husband who is gone 4 nights a week and a Foundation that I want to nurture and grow into something that can really impact pediatric cancer research, I don't have any more room on my plate. I wish I did. That's MY problem.
I guess my point is this: Saying "NO" is hard for us DO IT ALL mums. I'm here to let you off the hook. You can't do it all and you're amazeballs (is that catching on yet? ;)) anyways!!
I'm in the process of learning how to say No. It's not easy for me. But it will help me be better with managing the life I have been given and to my point...
Living in the moment.
Enjoying that MOMENT and trust me, they sometimes don't last long before my adjudicating and mediating skills come out. But the truth is, that moment of Cannon and his brothers playing was and is hatched in my memory board.
Life is life. Life has seasons and everyone has good and bad ones. The trick is to take the beautiful moments when they arrive and store them up for the times there are few. Like that time when you walk into your twins' room to find them screaming and one with a bruised bite mark on his face and the other who looks like a cat attacked him. Trust me, your patience and love will be way better if you stored some good memories.
I am, I continue to be one big work in progress. Learning as I go. This parenting gig - cancer kid or not - is hard.
Enjoy your Sunday. Mumma-bear's favorite day of the week.
I continue to be
Thankful For The Fight
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