Well first off, Cannon is too young to get anxious and nervous the night before like I was. I told my husband last night I wished he could come with us and that I really didn't want to go. It doesn't feel to nice to say that out loud and certainly not confess it here. But I'm keeping it as real and honest as I am capable.
I have always wanted to be a part of everything in Cannon's treatment and the truth is, had Michael said "Sure, I will go instead of travel and work", I, being female and all (totally generalizing), would have said "Oh no, it's fine, I should go." There was no way I wasn't going.
The truth is, this has been a really, really long process for Cannon and me. I've been going to hearing appointments with him for almost two years and I've never not been with him.
Last night was hard. I sound completely shallow and perhaps I am, but I thought "What if they just look horrendous?" Again, I am not too proud of these emotions but they are mine, so...
I prayed so hard last night that Cannon would be brave as he always is, that he wouldn't pull them out or off, that I would not cry, that I would stay so strong and in turn that would allow Cannon to know it's okay.
I think for Cannon, truly the hardest part was the anxiety. In hindsight I wish someone was with me and could have entertained Cannon while I learned how to work the hearing aid and change the battery, etc. The anticipation was upsetting to Cannon - he knew something was coming and we took a long time talking things over (the audiologist and myself). Cannon had a lot of tears but he wasn't aggressively pulling them out like he did with the molds. In fact, I was mentally prepared to restrain him like before and I didn't have to at all.
I know, I know, it's crazy!! God must have heard your prayers and known I was weary so he gave me an easy ride on this one.
So of course, being the woman I am (no shame) I said "Mumma" as soon as the hearing aids were on and Cannon literally said "Mumma" twenty times as he cried and cuddled me. That moment is engrained in my brain and I will be writing it in my diary tonight.
I am not lying when I say this... as soon as we walked out the door of the building I could tell Cannon was like "That's it? Really?" He smiled at me and I ran with him on my hip to the car and he giggled and again said "Mumma, Mumma, Mumma." I got him strapped in and I sat in the car and I thanked God "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
Cannon and I went shopping and the whole drive he smiled and giggled and played with his iPad, not once touching his hearing aids.
He got a few treats, of course, and was one happy, happy boy going for his nap.
I had concocted this in my mind to be so very much worse!
Proud doesn't even seem the right word to describe how I feel about what Cannon did today. He is and continues to be my ultimate idol.
I love you, Cannonball Wiggins!
There are few kids as cool as you!
I am so blessed to be your mother!
I love you every single day - no matter what!
If you haven't already, make sure you get your new Cannonball Kids' cancer T-shirt. They have new facts on them and they're lovely and white and new and who doesn't love a new white, fresh T-shirt? Just me? Okay. ;)
Written by Mumma-Bear
Cannonball Kids' cancer
Thankful For The Fight
263 Days No Evidence of Disease
No Relapse Ever