We are at the hospital for bloodwork, urine and hearing tests and check up. Long morning. I realize I sound down and I'm really trying to be upbeat. The hospital is just tough for this kid. I wish he was the kid that high-fived the nurses and didn't complain or cry - but he isn't. Cannon is not and never has been a people pleaser. If he doesn't like it he lets you know. I admire that sass in him and clearly I'm the cause of it so how can I complain? LOL. With that said, it's emotionally draining the morning and day of testing. Trying to fill him with juice and get urine, the tears that ensue because he isn't allowed in the playroom with other kids since they always require he be isolated and the 3/4 inch needle in his chest as he kicks and punches at me and the nurse. He is terrified!! He doesn't know if this is the start of a week in the ICU or a one hour visit. And the misery continues. On days like this I miss my sister and mum. Being alone without the support is doable... I can clearly cope and I'm strong but it's not much fun. Nicole would always play with Cannon as I spoke to the doctors.
I look at photos and videos of just 6 months ago and I'm blown away by his strength and progression but today my heart is heavy, my mind is exhausted and my body achy. I am normally the source that says, "Live in today!!" But today I just wish we were done with all of it! I don't want to crush chemo pills twice a day or do blood draws or urine collection. I don't want hearing appointments or speech or occupational therapy or my son to be developmentally delayed. Then I slap myself and tell myself to get over it. I laid awake half the night praying for my friend Amanda and praying for Oscar, Cannon's 5 year-old friend that WE let down by not getting him treatments to save his life. Instead Oscar will forever be 5!!!
So although somedays suck, they never suck as much as a mum whose child died before her eyes because she was told "There is nothing else we can do."
Please continue to pray for Cannon. But pray for Oscar. Pray for Amanda whose son was brutally tortured and taken from her by cancer and cancer treatments. It is no wonder so many adults refuse to be treated! Oscar is why we are funding $100,000 toward a pediatric brain cancer research project. He is part of Team CKc's inspiration and motivation for our April 19th Block Party.
My heart aches today - but I am thankful for the fight!
Cannon maybe crying and miserable but he is crying, miserable and alive and for that my heart is exactly what it needs to be - thankful!!!
Written by Mumma-Bear
Cannonball Kids' cancer
Thankful For The Fight
312 Days No Evidence of Disease
No Relapse Ever